My thoughts on "The Fault in Our Stars"

Last night, I had the distinct privilege of enjoying a thorough "girls' night out" with Rika, a good friend of mine. Since I was homeschooled and the majority of my closest friends are guys, and most of the ones who are girls live about an hour away, occasions like this are rare and much enjoyed. We went out for Chinese, to the movies, shopping, and froyo. It was glorious.

I so want to have liked this movie. Anyone who knows me knows how much I adore love stories, from fairytales to Nicholas Sparks to superhero relationships (WHY Gwen?!?!?!). But I could not like this one, and I did not. Thus, if you love said movie or the book it was based on, you might want to leave now, so that our friendship can remain intact. Or if you dislike spoilers, now would also be a good time to exit via stage left.

I will not attempt to discuss the faulty theology the film presents, because someone named Jay Younts at Shepherd Press already did that, and did it well. Check that out here.

I'm going to call out the big elephant in the room, and talk about the virginity thing. The biggest reason I could not like this movie was the virginity problem, as usual. See, one of the rather large plot elements in the story is that Gus, a truly sweet, charming, attractive, and gentlemanly 18 year old boy, is still a virgin because he had a leg amputated below the knee. Toward the end of the film this problem is rectified in a fairly explicit scene with Hazel. Sound familiar? It is the same plot as so many other young adult romance films these days. Just see the IMDb page for Now Is Good (a film I have not seen). The plot bio there reads, "A girl dying of leukemia compiles a list of things she'd like to do before passing away. Topping the list is her desire to lose her virginity."

I do not understand this. Yeah. I know. I was homeschooled. I'm Catholic. I'm old-fashioned. Most would say, I'm sheltered. But people, come ON.

Why is virginity now the biggest illness people can possibly face today? When did that happen, that until you've lost such a precious gift, you are an outcast from society? (Or at least high school/college social status.) Why is it that the most important thing to do when dying from a terminal illness is making sure you sleep with someone before you die? How is that love?!

In this film, after Gus and Hazel spend the night together, Hazel's mom asks them how their day was yesterday. See, they were in Amsterdam visiting the author of their favorite book, and had spent the rest of the day sightseeing. She asked what they did after that, and they vaguely responded, "Oh, you know, we walked around a bit..." Which made her smile knowingly. WAIT. WOAH. Hold up. What true, loving mother simply smiles knowingly when he knows her daughter spent the night with her boyfriend the night before?!

See, my problem with this movie is that it was a love story, and the characters did not love each other. They used each other so they could experience sex before their death. How is that love? I know everyone will be horrified that I would simplify it down to that. They will argue that there was so much more complexity to it than that. But not really. See, if they loved each other, why didn't they get married, like in A Walk to Remember? You want a love story with real love? Now that was a love story.

I read a book recently, upon the recommendation of a spiritual director, called Man and Woman, A Divine Invention, by Alice von Hildebrand. The book is mainly about the inherent beauty in femininity, unlike feminism. Most of the book is devoted to motherhood and being a wife, but there is also a truly inspiring section on the beauty of virginity. She explains how highly God looks upon this gift, and mentions also how when there is a saint who is a virgin, that fact is always remembered, because they gave that part of themselves to God as a beautiful gift.

I know for a fact my patron saints, all virgin martyrs, were not thinking to themselves as they were murdered, "Man, I wish I'd thought to lose my virginity before I die for Christ. I really regret that. My life would've been complete if I'd just slept with a man once. But no, now I shall die with regret." Yeah, no.

In fact, one of my patronesses, St. Maria Goretti, was stabbed with a knife 14 times at age 11 by a 17 year old boy, because she refused him when he tried to rape her. She refused him because she understood, even at such a young age, how important her virginity was to her, and she did not want that sin on either of their souls. On her death bed, she openly forgave him, and hoped he would one day join her in Heaven.

St. Philomena, one of my confirmation saints, chose martyrdom over giving herself to a Roman Emperor, because she had already promised her virginity to God.
How far have we fallen? These beautiful women understood the dignity of their purity and cherished it so much they chose death over losing it. Now, we have movies glorifying pre-marital sex for the terminally ill, so that they would die with no regrets.

I sat in the theatre, wishing to like the movie, and finding no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't. It wasn't on principle. I didn't choose not to like the movie because I knew the characters had chosen lust over love. No, it was much deeper than that. I sat there with a sick feeling in my stomach, knowing how much of a lie the movie was. And I hate being lied to.

Sts. Maria Goretto and Philomena, please pray for an increase of purity in souls.


If you want a movie featuring true love, or showing the beauty of goodness, check out one of these:

A Walk to Remember
It's so beautiful. She is so good. So beautifully good. So Holy. Caution, this movie is SO SAD.

Snow White and the Huntsman
In this movie, Snow White's ability to conquer the Evil Queen is based in her purity and goodness, from which her beauty is derived. I am hesitant to like Kristen Stewart in anything, but I loved her portrayal in this. Her Snow White reminded me of St. Joan of Arc. And the evil in it? There is absolutely no shred of that fun, "free" attractive evil in it. It is evil, and it is intensely disturbing. This movie is not for little kids. Furthermore, the evil queen is not modest. AT ALL. Which makes her more intensely disturbing, and heightens her contrast to Snow White who is pure, modest, and beautiful. But you may want to warn any brothers or guy friends viewing with you.

October Baby

The Last Song

Casablanca

The Saints and Depression

I just finished reading an amazing article: The Saints and Depression.

Depression is in my genes. My parents both suffer from it, and there is reason to suspect that generations before theirs suffered from it, too. I have definitely seen it, at times, manifesting it's dull talons in my own life as well, during much of my teenage years.

I have often wondered if someone who suffered this way could become a Great Saint. I know "we are all called to holiness and sainthood." I am sure many people have suffered from numerous forms of mental illness and and are now in Heaven. My question was, can someone who suffers this way become a Great Saint? Can he or she be beatified or canonized? Can they make it that far, despite the feelings of doubt and temptations to despair; the mood swings; the feelings of being intensely overwhelmed; the emotional highs and lows?

According to this article, yes, indeed they can. Apparently God has allowed Great Saints in the past to suffer from these same difficulties, and has sanctified them through it and beyond it and brought them to Holiness. So how can I doubt that He would do the same for me? I need to be gentler with myself, and I need to pray for more perseverance and the ability to keep trying even though I fail over and over (and over) again. My M.O. is to try something for a while, and when it gets hard I give up. Well, I can't necessarily change that. But God can, and He will. I just have to let Him, and I need to accept the grace to keep trying in the meantime. Who knows? Maybe He intends to make me a Great Saint after all, despite all my depression, frustration, sinfulness, failures, and temperamental nature. I hope so.

Here is my favorite part of the article.

St. Ignatius experienced first-hand what he was later to refer to as desolation in his Spiritual Exercises. Much akin to depression, desolation is a state in which we feel restless, irritated, uncomfortable, unsure of ourselves and our decisions, assailed by doubts, and unable to persevere in our good intentions. According to Ignatius, God cannot cause desolation, although He may allow it for His own purposes — such as to remind us of our profound need for Him, or to “shake up” a sinner so as to bring about repentance. Feelings of desolation, Ignatius notes, are often caused or provoked by the evil one, especially after we’ve taken practical steps to grow in holiness or to discern and follow God’s will. Based in part on his own experience, St. Ignatius of Loyola offers three very important pieces of advice to anyone undergoing desolation:

·Don’t change an earlier good resolution, for after you’ve made a decision that’s pleasing to God, the Devil may try to make you have second thoughts.

·Intensify your religious activities — that is, spend more time in prayer, meditation, and good deeds. For if Satan’s temptations merely cause you to increase your efforts to grow in holiness, he’ll have an incentive to leave you alone.

·Persevere in patience, for the Devil’s authority and ability to assault you is strictly limited by God, meaning that you’ll be relieved of your spiritual sufferings if only you hold out long enough.

Read the rest here:  http://catholicexchange.com/saints-depression#.U40TFc6Nxv0.facebook