Reflections on a(nother) Powerful Retreat

This Lent, I am trying to focus on positive things to do. In the past, my typical Lenten "thing" was giving up sweets. That never did anything for me spiritually though. It just made me resent this lovely Season of Grace, and all I did was complain.

This year, I am focusing on upping my prayer life and other positive things instead, such as trying to be more charitable to people that I have trouble being patient with, and attending daily Mass more often, and increasing my Spiritual reading.

This retreat, however, became an opportunity for Sacrifice. It was not an easy retreat. There was quite a bit of tension, in many areas, for different reasons. All around, it was perhaps the most difficult retreat of my life. But those difficulties and tensions, I now realize, became a huge Lenten Sacrifice for me to offer my Lord. How beautiful! I love examples like this, of Our Lord taking that which seams so ugly to us, and giving it purpose like that!

Spiritually, this retreat was incredible. Every retreat I go on brings me deeper and closer to my Lord. It makes me fall in love with Him all over again. It lifts the veil from my eyes, and is the slightest glimpse of Heaven. Retreats remind me of WHY I am Catholic, strongly, unabashedly, and passionately so.

Our Lord was so good to me during this retreat, giving me such incredible little reminders of His perfect Love and Mercy. He gave me so many consolations and gifts.

Here are the moments that stick out to me most as the beautiful parts of this retreat, the ones where out Lord touched my heart.

On Friday evening, Father Wolfe led those of us who wished to participate in Night Prayer, or Compline. Then, a few of us stayed in Chapel and prayed. I journalled and contemplated and had such an amazing time in  personal Adoration. Then some of us went downstairs and stayed up talking till 3:30 AM.

The next afternoon, during the period of scheduled silence, I went for a walk alone in the woods in the snow. It was so peaceful and easily contemplative. I love meditating on the glory of Our Lord through his Creation and especially the woods.

Around 7 PM, my good friend David and I began to lead Praise and Worship adoration. It went so beautifully. The Sisters have the most exquisite monstrance I have ever seen.

After finishing the Praise and Worship, I went to confession, and that was amazing as well. Confession is a very difficult thing for me. But Our Lord gave me such grace for this one, the humility and honesty I needed to be real with Him through Father Wolfe. And Father was so kind and gentle to me!

When I was saying my penance, I perceived a nearly tangible weight lift from my shoulders, and a black cloud cleared above me head. I was so at peace.

On Sunday, The most beautiful moment was when I read the letters my parents' had written me. My friend Jessie and I were sharing a room this weekend in the retreat center because there were more girls than rooms on our floor, and she went to our room to read her letters. I continued on to the Chapel, and I was the only one there.

As I read the notes, I wept. I cannot remember the last time that tears poured so heavily from my eyes, or sobs racked my body to that extent. These words from my beloved parents touched my soul; I cannot express how grateful I am to them.

The last thing I wish to touch on about this retreat was simply the people there, first and foremost the Sister Servants of the Most Sacred Heart of Jesus. I have known these sisters since I was 8 years old I believe, and they are some of my dearest friends. I am so grateful to My Lord every time he gives me the chance to talk to them.

Secondly, I wish to thank Father Michael Wolfe and all the chaperones for what they did to prepare this for me and all the participants. I especially thank Maria, for the ways she opened up to all of us girls, and for our talk this afternoon. 

Then of course I must mention my dear fellow retreatants, who I loved getting to know better and more deeply. I thank them all for opening themselves up and being vulnerable to me, for allowing me in and crushing the facades.  

To every person who was on this retreat, I thank you for whatever you taught me, or perhaps what you allowed Christ to teach you through me. You are each a most Precious Gift to me and to our world, each with different talents and strengths, but ultimately the same vocation: to love Our Lord, and to bring souls to Him. Thank you.


Lastly, I wish to note that I was at the retreat center for 46 hours total. Of that time, less than 3 hours were spent asleep. I would not do it every time I went on retreat, but this time it was definitely worth it in order to spend as much time as possible with everyone. Thanks to my night owl friends! It was great!