My 20th Birthday

Yesterday, my friends here provided me with one of the best birthdays I can remember. I love them all so much!!

When I woke up, I encountered my door covered in artwork, spelling Happy Birthday with aspects of all my favorite things! (There was even the burning couch from Herodotus, thanks to Sweet Mary!) I was so touched, and realized that these wonderful people actually listen and pay attention to my crazy, bizarre monologues!

Then I noticed a lovely little Christmas tree on top of the fridge complete with gifts underneath, including a Mario Brothers Question Mark Box, courtesy of Bea, and a beautiful card from my roommate, Sarah. Sweet Mary wrapped her gift in graph paper which she meticulously drew butterflies all over!

I went to a Tridentine Low Mass at noon, where my friend Dana joined me. Mass was exquisitely beautiful, and I was so thrilled to receive the ultimate gift of my Lord's entire Body, Blood, Soul, and Divinity.

That afternoon Carina and Bea hung out in my room while I tidied up (which was muchly needed! My poor roommate is so patient and kind with my clutter ineptitude). Then I opened my gifts: a beautiful silver butterfly ornament from Sweet Mary, with bright sapphire glitter, which I hung on my wall; a lovely travel mug from Molly; and cappuccino k-cups and a book of cat poetry called I Could Pee on This from Bea. (After doing some dishes) we enjoyed my new cappuccino and read aloud from my new poetry, then played a highly amusing Victorian Parlour Game.

I had hoped to order pizza that evening and spend it watching a movie, but Carina and Bea indicated that their cash supplies were running low and that they really had work to do that evening, so we agreed to meet at the Caf for dinner together and then get some work done. Maybe we could do something later after getting work done.

Bea came to walk with me to dinner, and on the way there we encountered Star Wars Liz, saying she needed our help to kidnap Sweet Mary and drag her to dinner. She was playing the homework card, as usual. I yelled down her hallway that she had to come to dinner, it was my birthday and she had no choice. We easily swayed her, and then Liz remembered that she wanted to show me the movie room upstairs, since I'd never been there. We climbed the stairs, followed the confusing hallway, and I was presented with a door thoughtfully decorated with these signs:

                    "I'm happy on your birthday because you're one year closer to being dead"

                       "Happy Birthday! As you're getting older let us know if you feel lonely!"


                I was then fully shocked to find my wonderful friends all congregated to meet me!!

Planned well in advance, we partook of Domino's pizza, soda, hummus with veggies and pita bread (YUM!) and they presented me with a rice crispie cake! John-Damian sang a dreadful birthday song and gave me an original short story as a gift.

We watched one of my favorite movies, The Count of Monte Cristo, courtesy of David (thank you!!). We ate rice crispie cake, and then watched Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows part I. All in all, it was an incredibly relaxing, meaningful, and memorable day. I am so grateful for these people that God put into my life!!

Thank you once again Bea, Sweet Mary, Star Wars Liz, Carina, Molly, John-Damian, and David, and everyone else who made me feel so blessed and beloved this week!

My thoughts on "The Fault in Our Stars"

Last night, I had the distinct privilege of enjoying a thorough "girls' night out" with Rika, a good friend of mine. Since I was homeschooled and the majority of my closest friends are guys, and most of the ones who are girls live about an hour away, occasions like this are rare and much enjoyed. We went out for Chinese, to the movies, shopping, and froyo. It was glorious.

I so want to have liked this movie. Anyone who knows me knows how much I adore love stories, from fairytales to Nicholas Sparks to superhero relationships (WHY Gwen?!?!?!). But I could not like this one, and I did not. Thus, if you love said movie or the book it was based on, you might want to leave now, so that our friendship can remain intact. Or if you dislike spoilers, now would also be a good time to exit via stage left.

I will not attempt to discuss the faulty theology the film presents, because someone named Jay Younts at Shepherd Press already did that, and did it well. Check that out here.

I'm going to call out the big elephant in the room, and talk about the virginity thing. The biggest reason I could not like this movie was the virginity problem, as usual. See, one of the rather large plot elements in the story is that Gus, a truly sweet, charming, attractive, and gentlemanly 18 year old boy, is still a virgin because he had a leg amputated below the knee. Toward the end of the film this problem is rectified in a fairly explicit scene with Hazel. Sound familiar? It is the same plot as so many other young adult romance films these days. Just see the IMDb page for Now Is Good (a film I have not seen). The plot bio there reads, "A girl dying of leukemia compiles a list of things she'd like to do before passing away. Topping the list is her desire to lose her virginity."

I do not understand this. Yeah. I know. I was homeschooled. I'm Catholic. I'm old-fashioned. Most would say, I'm sheltered. But people, come ON.

Why is virginity now the biggest illness people can possibly face today? When did that happen, that until you've lost such a precious gift, you are an outcast from society? (Or at least high school/college social status.) Why is it that the most important thing to do when dying from a terminal illness is making sure you sleep with someone before you die? How is that love?!

In this film, after Gus and Hazel spend the night together, Hazel's mom asks them how their day was yesterday. See, they were in Amsterdam visiting the author of their favorite book, and had spent the rest of the day sightseeing. She asked what they did after that, and they vaguely responded, "Oh, you know, we walked around a bit..." Which made her smile knowingly. WAIT. WOAH. Hold up. What true, loving mother simply smiles knowingly when he knows her daughter spent the night with her boyfriend the night before?!

See, my problem with this movie is that it was a love story, and the characters did not love each other. They used each other so they could experience sex before their death. How is that love? I know everyone will be horrified that I would simplify it down to that. They will argue that there was so much more complexity to it than that. But not really. See, if they loved each other, why didn't they get married, like in A Walk to Remember? You want a love story with real love? Now that was a love story.

I read a book recently, upon the recommendation of a spiritual director, called Man and Woman, A Divine Invention, by Alice von Hildebrand. The book is mainly about the inherent beauty in femininity, unlike feminism. Most of the book is devoted to motherhood and being a wife, but there is also a truly inspiring section on the beauty of virginity. She explains how highly God looks upon this gift, and mentions also how when there is a saint who is a virgin, that fact is always remembered, because they gave that part of themselves to God as a beautiful gift.

I know for a fact my patron saints, all virgin martyrs, were not thinking to themselves as they were murdered, "Man, I wish I'd thought to lose my virginity before I die for Christ. I really regret that. My life would've been complete if I'd just slept with a man once. But no, now I shall die with regret." Yeah, no.

In fact, one of my patronesses, St. Maria Goretti, was stabbed with a knife 14 times at age 11 by a 17 year old boy, because she refused him when he tried to rape her. She refused him because she understood, even at such a young age, how important her virginity was to her, and she did not want that sin on either of their souls. On her death bed, she openly forgave him, and hoped he would one day join her in Heaven.

St. Philomena, one of my confirmation saints, chose martyrdom over giving herself to a Roman Emperor, because she had already promised her virginity to God.
How far have we fallen? These beautiful women understood the dignity of their purity and cherished it so much they chose death over losing it. Now, we have movies glorifying pre-marital sex for the terminally ill, so that they would die with no regrets.

I sat in the theatre, wishing to like the movie, and finding no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't. It wasn't on principle. I didn't choose not to like the movie because I knew the characters had chosen lust over love. No, it was much deeper than that. I sat there with a sick feeling in my stomach, knowing how much of a lie the movie was. And I hate being lied to.

Sts. Maria Goretto and Philomena, please pray for an increase of purity in souls.


If you want a movie featuring true love, or showing the beauty of goodness, check out one of these:

A Walk to Remember
It's so beautiful. She is so good. So beautifully good. So Holy. Caution, this movie is SO SAD.

Snow White and the Huntsman
In this movie, Snow White's ability to conquer the Evil Queen is based in her purity and goodness, from which her beauty is derived. I am hesitant to like Kristen Stewart in anything, but I loved her portrayal in this. Her Snow White reminded me of St. Joan of Arc. And the evil in it? There is absolutely no shred of that fun, "free" attractive evil in it. It is evil, and it is intensely disturbing. This movie is not for little kids. Furthermore, the evil queen is not modest. AT ALL. Which makes her more intensely disturbing, and heightens her contrast to Snow White who is pure, modest, and beautiful. But you may want to warn any brothers or guy friends viewing with you.

October Baby

The Last Song

Casablanca

The Saints and Depression

I just finished reading an amazing article: The Saints and Depression.

Depression is in my genes. My parents both suffer from it, and there is reason to suspect that generations before theirs suffered from it, too. I have definitely seen it, at times, manifesting it's dull talons in my own life as well, during much of my teenage years.

I have often wondered if someone who suffered this way could become a Great Saint. I know "we are all called to holiness and sainthood." I am sure many people have suffered from numerous forms of mental illness and and are now in Heaven. My question was, can someone who suffers this way become a Great Saint? Can he or she be beatified or canonized? Can they make it that far, despite the feelings of doubt and temptations to despair; the mood swings; the feelings of being intensely overwhelmed; the emotional highs and lows?

According to this article, yes, indeed they can. Apparently God has allowed Great Saints in the past to suffer from these same difficulties, and has sanctified them through it and beyond it and brought them to Holiness. So how can I doubt that He would do the same for me? I need to be gentler with myself, and I need to pray for more perseverance and the ability to keep trying even though I fail over and over (and over) again. My M.O. is to try something for a while, and when it gets hard I give up. Well, I can't necessarily change that. But God can, and He will. I just have to let Him, and I need to accept the grace to keep trying in the meantime. Who knows? Maybe He intends to make me a Great Saint after all, despite all my depression, frustration, sinfulness, failures, and temperamental nature. I hope so.

Here is my favorite part of the article.

St. Ignatius experienced first-hand what he was later to refer to as desolation in his Spiritual Exercises. Much akin to depression, desolation is a state in which we feel restless, irritated, uncomfortable, unsure of ourselves and our decisions, assailed by doubts, and unable to persevere in our good intentions. According to Ignatius, God cannot cause desolation, although He may allow it for His own purposes — such as to remind us of our profound need for Him, or to “shake up” a sinner so as to bring about repentance. Feelings of desolation, Ignatius notes, are often caused or provoked by the evil one, especially after we’ve taken practical steps to grow in holiness or to discern and follow God’s will. Based in part on his own experience, St. Ignatius of Loyola offers three very important pieces of advice to anyone undergoing desolation:

·Don’t change an earlier good resolution, for after you’ve made a decision that’s pleasing to God, the Devil may try to make you have second thoughts.

·Intensify your religious activities — that is, spend more time in prayer, meditation, and good deeds. For if Satan’s temptations merely cause you to increase your efforts to grow in holiness, he’ll have an incentive to leave you alone.

·Persevere in patience, for the Devil’s authority and ability to assault you is strictly limited by God, meaning that you’ll be relieved of your spiritual sufferings if only you hold out long enough.

Read the rest here:  http://catholicexchange.com/saints-depression#.U40TFc6Nxv0.facebook

Prayer to Resist Temptation

My Christ,

You are the loving spouse of my soul. Protect me from temptation as a mortal husband protects his wife from harm. I do not want to succumb to these thoughts or desires; but I am weak and unable to resist their allure on my own. Battle them for me, and do not permit them enter or linger in me. Fill the void the evil leaves with grace and holiness; that is what I desire!

Blessed Mother, my beloved friend!

Shield the eyes of my heart from these temptations to evil, as a physical mother covers her child's eyes from the depravity, violence, and horror in this world. Turn me away from it to gaze upon the goodness and beauty of your Son.

Amen. 

(This is a prayer God has been forming in my heart recently, when I have struggled with temptations to impure thoughts, but it can apply to any spiritual struggle, which is why I love it so much.)

Novena to St. Maria Goretti

St. Maria Goretti, strengthened by God's grace, you did not hesitate, even at the age of eleven, to sacrifice life itself to defend your virginal purity. Look graciously on the unhappy human race that has strayed far from the path of eternal salvation. Teach us all, and especially our youth, the courage and promptness that will help us avoid anything that could offend Jesus. Obtain for me a great horror of sin, so that I may live a holy life on earth and win eternal glory in heaven. Amen.
Our Father, Hail Mary, Glory Be...

Novena found in 30 Favorite Novenas published by Tan Books.

Thoughts on Valentine's Day

Okay, first of all; it is The Feast of SAINT Valentine, and it is a Holy Day, not a Holiday. Let's get this straight people.

I'm starting to have a big problem with this so-called "Valentine's Day." And don't misunderstand me. I am the type of girl who loves pink. A lot. I love pink and hearts and fairies, flowers and chocolates and anything romantic. So, a day that is dedicated to all those things, all wrapped up with a big, fluffy bow?! Of course I'm all for that! And I do truly love the idea of one day, a dashing young man in a suit and crookedly tied bowtie, bearing a single red rose, standing on my doorstep and picking me up to take me to dinner and a movie on valentine's day. As my Dad glares at him through the blinds and makes motions of cocking a pump action rifle. It warms my heart.

BUT. That is not what today SHOULD be dedicated to. Today is the feast day of a holy priest. A PRIEST, people. And good priests, as St. Valentine surely was, live celibate lives. So where exactly does this whole romantic thing come in??

So. Here are my three biggest issues with how this day is represented in our culture.

1. Revolting focus on sex. Planned Parenthood, stick your nose out of this holiday. It is about a Holy, celibate priest, giving his life in martyrdom for God. It is about the TRUEST LOVE, and your disgusting diabolical scheming has no place it in. Butt OUT.

2. Whiny single people. I mean, come on! Again! This. Holiday. Is. About. A. Good. Holy. Self-sacrificing. CELIBATE. Priest. SO get off your couch and stop gorging on chocolates in front of the newest trashy Nicholas Sparks movie, bemoaning God's cruelty in making you single for yet another Valentine's Day. Today is literally a special day only because it celebrates a man who decided to give up earthly pleasures and even relationships to be a priest and then was martyred. SO KNOCK IT OFF.

And don't even start griping that I don't know what it's like. I'm 19 and I've never been on a date. And I'm completely okay with that. Instead of focusing on the fact that you are miserable because you don't have a girlfriend/boyfriend/husband/wife/trained monkey to "complete you," realize that even if you did, that person (or monkey) would still not complete you. Only God can complete you. Only God can fill that aching chasm inside you that longs to be satisfied. If you are seeking a relationship, hoping to be completed and fulfilled by it somehow, then you are in for a difficult awakening, my friend.

St. Valentine obviously figured out that only God can ever "complete" us. I mean, he DIED for God. If God has allowed you this time of single-hood, then learn to love it and use it well. He wants you use this time to get to know and love Him above all else. When you do, He will allow the person into your life, provided marriage is your vocation, who is best suited to help you attain heaven. So grab a tissue, wipe your tears and chocolate crumbs off, and go read this prayer. http://madeinhisimage.org/whenacuteguyasksyouout/

3. People who have decided to boycott or be unkind, even jokingly, on Valentine's Day. Listen. This feast is indeed about LOVE. Just not necessarily about romantic love. So giving out "un-valentines," even though they may be amusing, really is just as counter productive as getting all mushy about this holiday. Giving a person a silly card saying "I don't like you," or "Don't be mine" may indeed be very clever. But it only shows you have accepted the culture's definition of Valentine's Day and have decided to rebel against it.

Let me say it again. This feast is about LOVE. But it is about God's Love; Christ's Love; a martyred man's love of the one who is Love. It is about loving your neighbor. Even the one who cuts you off in traffic, glares at you at work, or reliably makes your life more difficult day in and day out. So today, I challenge you to smile at people. And not a fake smile, either. Use that real, beautiful, genuine smile that God created in you. One that says, "I love you. I'm holding nothing back. I'm smiling at you for all that I'm worth, and all I want to do is impart to you a bit of that inner joy Christ has filled me with." In the words of Mother Teresa, "Every time you smile at someone, it is an action of love, a gift to that person, a beautiful thing." So smile at people. And mean it.

And find other ways you can show love to other people today. Hold the door for someone. Take your brother's dinner plate over to the sink for him. Yes, I know he can be impossible, and I know you end up taking it over for him every night because he forgets to do so. Every. Single. Night. But today, take it over before Mom asks you to. And do it with love, rather than frustration.

Buy someone a coffee. Text your Dad at work and tell him you appreciate him going to work to support your family. Stop in a church and pray in front of the tabernacle for a few minutes. Just tell Christ you love Him, without asking for anything.

It doesn't have to be anything big. Just do something to acknowledge that today is indeed dedicated to love. True, self-sacrificing love. And let your actions today be a reflection of Him Who is Love.

xoxo

Hallelujah

Lyrics by Marie Kopp & Christina Heath
Music by Leonard Cohen

Swept away, my hopes are gone.

I'm feeling lost, all alone,  

I just don’t know how I'm gonna get through.

I've sunk into my darkest days,  

I can’t imagine now singing praise,

But I hear somebody singing Hallelujah.

Hallelujah, hallelujah,

Hallelujah, hallelujah.

A broken home, a father gone,

A mother who has lost her son,

And several million people who have no one.

Yet somehow in their miseries

They're crying out "Let glory be

To God in all His mercy, Hallelujah!"

...

Though sometimes I can't see your face

You are my life, my source of grace;

Without you my whole world begins to fall through.

In this dark, you're guiding me

Your hand is there unfailingly,

It gives me strength to cry out Hallelujah!

...

Before the tears can even start

Your bleeding Hands and broken Heart

Hold my shattered soul through these disasters.

Though I can hardly feel you here

Through my failure, through my fear,

I go to you with mournful hallelujah.

...

My God you know my dreams and plans

But I place my future in Your hands,

So this is all that I ask from you now:

That You would hear me as I sing,

I make my life an offering,

My life remains your broken hallelujah!

Hallelujah, hallelujah,

Hallelujah, hallelujah.

Hallelujah, hallelujah,

Hallelujah, hallelujah.

Instrumental version of the music
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zNIdlxtNu_o

Me singing this at my graduation:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fbBlxr_I5Co

Perspective for Pro-choicers

So, all pro-lifers have heard this argument:
"It is your right to believe abortion is wrong, but it is wrong of you to try to force that belief on everyone else on the country. Just because you don't agree with it, doesn't make it fair for you to try to force that upon everyone else and make it illegal. It's each woman's individual right to choose, that's why we are PRO-CHOICE, and it is wrong of you to try to take away that choice!"

Blah Blah Blah.

Okay, so, hypothetical situation to put things into perspective for ya:

America legalizes rape. (I dearly hope this remains hypothetical, just saying. Anyways.) You, liberal pro-choicer, are outraged. (As you WELL SHOULD BE. Every conservative pro-lifer in their right mind is too!) So, you take up a campaign, and try with all of your might to spread the word about how wrong this is. You do your utmost to attempt to make rape illegal again. You ignore the rotten tomatoes and moldy bagels thrown at you out of car windows, along with vulgar insults, as you protest outside of the new weekly rapist support group meeting. (The bagel and vulgarity is a true story, it happened to me when I protested outside of a Planned Parenthood clinic in Pittsburgh. I smiled and waved back, and enjoyed watching the birds who came, grateful for their new snack.)

People in support of the new legislation tell you you are wrong to do this. They tell you you are unfair and judgmental; you can't decide what is right for other people, you don't walk in their shoes; what is right for you isn't necessarily right for them. Your peers are angry at you when you post about your mission on social media. Your coworkers glare at you when you try to bring it up at work. Even people at your church plug their ears and tell you that you are the one who is wrong here.

These people believe that it is the rapist's right to rape a woman, even though it compromises the woman's rights. And they don't want to listen to your judgmental, hypocritical, self-righteous rant  to the contrary.

So, do you stop opposing rape? DO YOU, liberal pro-choicer, agree to let it go and roll with the new legislation? Hmmm? Do you stop going to marches, rallies, protests, lectures, etc., in support of your mission, simply because people disagree with you? Do you allow the fear of persecution or of offending others with your opinion to stop your fight against this heinously disgusting new legislation? NO, you don't. (At least, I hope you have that much backbone left in you.)

Well, we, conservative pro-lifers, are the same. We believe that abortion is wrong. Yes, we know your arguments to the contrary. We understand that you think it is wrong for us to try to make abortion illegal based on "our opinions." We know you get upset when we post about it on social media, when we bring it up at work, school, or even, unfortunately, church. We know you'd rather not hear about it, and ignore the horror you are content to allow. But that doesn't change our decision to fight you tooth and nail, which we will continue to do as long as we have breath left in us.

Harry Potter - My Two Cents

So.
I just finished the Harry Potter Saga. For the first time.
Yes, yes, I know. It is truly the first time. No, I have not seen the movies yet, either. Well, none but the first at least.
Why is this the first time I've read them when everyone else read them eons ago?
A) Dad thought they were evil.
B) I'm a strange person. In my strangeness, I avoid trends like the plague. If something is popular, it isn't for me. So, I have to either read/watch it before it is trendy, or wayyyyy after. Otherwise my enjoyment of it is immensely diminished.

Anyways. They were a fun read, but they left me dissatisfied. My thoughts on the matter are thus:

- I enjoy fantasy novels. Thus, I enjoy magic in books. But the Harry Potter magic was a little too dark for my tastes. No, they didn't call on demons. But they call themselves witches and warlocks, and their potions especially are creepy, in an old fashioned witchcraft sense. I didn't love that.

- As far as secular young adult literature goes these days, I thought they were fairly well-written. The characters were loveable, human, flawed, but still trying to be noble. Good qualities.

- I don't like that they are set for such a young age group. I don't think I would like anyone under 14 reading them, simply because anyone reading them needs to be old enough and mature enough to realize this is fiction, and in the real world, "witchcraft" is not harmless. It is evil. They need to be able to understand and grasp this, while still being able to enjoy the stories.

My biggest bone to pick with the series is this:
It makes such a big deal out of the difference between good magic and the Dark Arts, as it indeed should! I would not approve of any book containing magic that didn't. BUT! Why make that distinction, that MAIN PLOT of the story, and then allow the main characters to practice those same Dark Arts with no consequence?! What makes that okay, people?! I understand they are human characters. I love them for that. I understand they have weaknesses. But I don't understand what makes Harry any better than Malfoy. The series makes such a big deal about the Unforgivable Curses, but in the last book, as well as previous ones, Harry uses these curses. He attempts the Crucio curse in The Order of the Phoenix, The Half Blood Prince, & successfully uses it in The Deathly Hallows; he also uses the Imperius Curse multiple times in The Deathly Hallows. Why is this never addressed at least? Why are Crabbe and Goyle and Malfoy so evil for using them, but not Harry and Ron and Hermione? I'm in a quandery here. I think this would have been a perfect time for the author to discuss this. To explain why it is wrong for the characters use them. To show consequences. But she doesn't....it is simply a frustrating, unadressed thread that is thoroughly ignored. Humph.

My two cents.