We are His Passion

We are His Passion.

Those words came to me last night, a little after 2:00 a.m. I found them beautiful, and an amazing meditation for this season of Lent.

You understand the phrases, "Art is my passion." "Music is his passion." "Teaching is her passion." "Writing is their passion."  They mean that those things, art, music, teaching, and writing, or any other of a list of occupations, objects, or people that could be inserted there, mean a great deal to someone. In fact, they mean enough to be called a person's "passion" What they love, perhaps above all else. Something they are "passionate about."

Now consider these four simple words again.

We are HIS Passion.

We, the human race, each of us individually, are Christ's passion. We are what He cares most deeply about. We are what He loves above all else. We mean everything to Him.

And for us, His passion, he endured The Passion.

For us, the single most important things to him, he underwent more pain and suffering than anyone in human history.

Christ endured THE Passion, FOR His passion.

Working on ANOTHER paper...

So, I'm working on my Government research paper. I am writing a biography of Margaret Thatcher. Amazing woman.

It is not due until Monday BUT---Mike is coming home tonight, and I want my school to be as done as possible before he steps through the door. I've been freaking about writing this paper all week. But I found a really great bio article on her from the Biography Channel website: http://www.biography.com/print/profile/margaret-thatcher-9504796

Anyways, I am feeling much better now Pray that I can be productive.

----------------------------------

Later:

Have 4 page outline so far. Things are looking up.

Research paper---Gone---Forever!

I turned it in! I mean, I actually walked up to my professor and handed it to him, without imploding or disintegrating or losing myself to a total mental breakdown!!!!

I'm so proud of myself.

Then I stayed and helped a classmate edit her paper.

Also, I've been working on knitting wristlets for a secret santa gift. Unfortunately, they took forever to start, because I kept changing my mind on the color scheme (Thus ripping it out and starting over) and then I decided the needles I had were too big (Thereby ripping out again.). Anyways, I ripped out alot. This morning I finally finished one, only to realize that I was wrong and the pattern was right. I should've suck with the larger needles. SO I laid that one aside and began another, larger one. Also, I didn;t like part of the pattern, so I fiddled with it. When they are done, I will put up some pictures.

I paced Michaels for at least 1 and 1/2 hours today, searching for inspiration for other secret santa gifts. Yeah. That was a BRILLIANT use of my time.

Now I am starving, procrastinating, and avoiding my other schoolwork like the plague.

1. Process Essay
2. Government Exam
3. Government research paper on Margaret Thatcher.

Boy I'm hungry.

Favorite Comic of the Day

Done!!!

I...Hope....

See, I finished. FINALLY. But I'm just so uncertain about it. However, I cannot stomach looking at it for one more moment right now.

So, Next Friday is my last day of school!!! YAYYY!!

Next week I still need intense prayers. After I turn this paper and a to-do list assignment in tomorrow, I still have another essay for composition, a Test for Government, and a Research paper (That I have not yet begun) for Government.

Oh, Dear Jesus, help me to survive, to do my best, and let it go quickly!!!

Plugging along

Soooo.....
My paper is nearing its completion. All I have left is to finish the outline (I have about half or so done) and find citations for about 4 or five paraphrases. (I know they came from somewhere...just not where!) Well, and a final run through for minor editing, etc. God is Good!

I worked slowly this afternoon and evening, finishing the paper body, revising the citations, and doing general editing. Thanks for any and all who prayed!

I will have to finish the rest tomorrow, as I am feeling absolutely no motivation this evening. Instead I'm working on a pair of pastel blue and green wristlets for a secret santa gift at a Christmas party that I was so graciously invited to! I can't wait!

Peace and Good!
EBSD

A-L-M-O-S-T- .....DONE!!!

Please, if any internet people actually are out there reading this right now, please pray for me this weekend. I'm finishing my paper, and I'm thoroughly really to be done with it. It is beginning to shape up nicely, though.

On Being Studious and Diligent

So. I've been working (actually, mostly stressing) on this research paper. As of this moment, I have nearly 5 full pages! Yahoo! I started it this afternoon with only one nearly full page, so I'm very proud of myself for adding nearly 4 more since 12:30 this afternoon.

I'm sure all the credit goes to my closest and dearest friend, Abby Roy, now Sister Mary Magdalene, Sister Servant of the Sacred Heart (aka my favorite religious order on the planet. No kidding. If I was a nun, I'd join them.) I got to see her for a few moments today while I helped Sister Maria decorate their retreat house convent for Christmas, and she gave me the most glorious hug. (Amazing the way she hugs....she's absolutely tiny, but squeezes harder and sweeter than anyone I know...other than perhaps her mom.....or my Grandma...)

Anyways, When she was going back upstairs to say her afternoon prayers, I asked her to pray for my paper. And look! After over a month of giving myself an stomach ulcer over it, and the most horrid week, brimming with severe mentel anxious breakdowns, I was able to calmly sit and choke out nearly four pages. I'm so grateful.

This leads me to a realization. An awful realization, in fact. I was at the convent/retreat center for over 3 hours, and I did not stop by the chapel to greet our Lord! I am truly grieved by this. Not being fake. I love the chapel there. It is so lovely. I have spent many a late late night praying and journaling there while on one of the 7 (8?) retreats I have made there.

Well, in about 2 hours I'm heading to adoration at my local perpetual adoration chapel. My same Lord is there, and he will be just as happy to see me as if I had visited him at the convent. I'm still sad that I didn't while there. Sigh.


Speaking of Sister Mary Magdalene and of retreats, the songs for today are:

Restless by Audrey Assad
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N0B2ybZpDeM

Sparrow by Audrey Assad
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OMSkKGZ9r14

My Only Love by Matt Maher
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dB8iQBapeGs

Hero by Abandon
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Uyv1jUDLY3s


Quote of the day:

"One half of the world cannot understand the pleasures of the other."
 ~Jane Austen



Last thoughts: A most lovely picture of Sr. Mary Magdalene's and my confirmation saints: Hers, Saint Therese, Mine, Saint Joan. They are co-patronesses of France.

Saint Therese playing Saint Joan, who she had a great devotion to, in a convent play

                                             
            And, the two of us now, myself and Dear Sr. Mary Magdalene.

Advent thoughts

My parish priest, well, I love him to death. Really, I do. But he began, once again, the first Sunday of Advent with a rather penitential and perhaps (just a smidge) depressing outlook on Advent. I do understand his point. Advent is indeed meant to be a time of penance, similar to Lent. But I decided to do something different this year. Rather than ignore the idea of Advent as a time for spiritual renewal, which is my usual response to this homily (he gives a very similar one every year during Advent) I decided this year that I would prepare for the coming of the Child Jesus joyfully, lovingly, and with purpose (purpose other than trying to buy gifts, decide on my wishlist, and clean and decorate my house before Christmas Eve.). Therefore, this Advent, I am simply going to try to scoop up as many opportunities for grace as possible. I will fail. I realize and accept this fact. But I want to increase my Eucharistic adoration to hopefully twice per week, but no less than once. Also, I want to aim for daily Mass twice, but no less than one, per week (Other than Sunday.) And, I want to be much more aware of being charitable to people, especially when it is difficult. I really want to focuz on my family in the realm for this Advent. I can and have been quite awful to them all, and I love them all so dearly. I want to make it more of a priorit to show them this, and to be patient with them.

Also, I'm missing my grandmother right now excruciatingly. I wish she was here. I want to be sitting on her couch in her home right now. We would be watching NCIS and White Collar together, as it is Tuesday night. (And she would be going on and on about "Marie, JUST look at Neil's blue EYES!") She would be baking cookies, and we would be knitting together, and some soup would be smelling heavenly on the stove, and a card table would be set up, taking up way too much space, with a puzzle on it, sitting in the puzzle boxes that Beeba handcrafted. Right now, all our favorite shows would be over, and we would have snuggled into bed. She had the warmest, coziest bed. I miss her so dearly. Both of them, Beeba too.

"Eternal rest grant unto them, O Lord, and let perpetual Light shine upon them. May their souls, and all the souls of the faithfully departed, through the mercy of God, rest in peace."

I love you both.

Something that cheered me greatly today

In need of prayers

I'm working on (what seems like but actually isn't) a massive research paper. And well, I need prayers. It is requiring a horrid amount of diligence and hard work, neither of which are my best virtues. So please pray that our Lord grants me enough grace to work hard on this and to actually do MY BEST and then be satisfied with whatever grade I recieve. Thanks.

P.S. Song most dear to my heart right now is "Hold On To What You Believe" by Mumford & Sons. It was the theme song of the retreat (You remember, the one I promised to write about, and didn't? That one. Great retreat. I'll have to tell you about it some day in depth. Just not tonight...rather...this morning...its after midnight...sigh.)

Anyways, it completely reflects my battles right now. How hard it is to cling to my beliefs, when everything about me is countercultural, and therefore attacked. It would be so much easier to just let go. Sometimes, being stubborn is such a gift.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9VI8-6aXsFA
(Just in case anyone wants to know what I'm talking about.)

Oh, also, I may have stated this before, but I have a title. I am The Evil Baroness of the State of Denial. (Ask Calvin.)

So, I lied.

Well, not quite. I did honestly mean to do a series of posts about my retreat. I still hope to do that one day. But, well, frankly this is the only place where I can make promises and not keep them. Not that that is a good thing; it isn't. But, I have so many commitments and responsibilities, that I don't feel very bound to fulfill goals I set for myself about a blog that, most likely, no one reads. This blog, I have decided, is purely for my writing amusement, whenever the fancy takes me. Thus, today I have decided it pleases me to provide links to my favorite blogs. Here they are:


She Learns As She Goes
http://www.shelearnsasshegoes.com/

How Sweet It Is
http://www.howsweeteats.com/

Regina Doman's Notebook
http://reginadoman.blogspot.com/

Elenatintil
http://elenatintil.blogspot.com/

Confessions of a Seamstress
http://seamstressconfessions.blogspot.com/

John Paul 2 High Blog
http://johnpaul2high.blogspot.com/

Just Give Me Cake
http://justgivemecake.blogspot.com/

The Shadow of the Bear
http://theshadowofthebear.blogspot.com/


These are all blogs I check frequently.


Also, if anyone is interested, these two websites have a couple free song downloads for iTunes every month. They are all Christian Contemporary/Praise. Right now they are all Christmas themed. Perfectly legal, in case you were worried.


Air1
http://www.air1.com/music/free-songs.aspx

Klove
http://www.klove.com/music/store.aspx


P.S. If anyone actually does read this, please leave a comment if you don't mind. It would be nice to hear from you. 


P.P.S. Book recommendations for the day: 

The Shadow of the Bear by Regina Doman

Catholic Philosopher Chick Makes Her Debut by Rebecca Bratten Weiss & Regina Doman


P.P.P.S. I Really love this quote from Ronald Reagan. It reflects all the battles I've been waging in my American Gov class all semester. I don't get why so many people DON'T GET this!  

This leads me to my movie recommendation for the day:  October Baby


Perhaps some day soon I will share my essay about playing Saint Mary Magdalene in the Living Stations this year.

 

More Thoughts

So, now the official "blogging/journaling" assignment is finished, and I'm grateful to my professor for making me do it. :) Yes, I have to admit it was a tiny bit stressful,  so I am glad it is over. However, I did truly enjoy this assignment, and it was a good experience for me. Also, I always had aspirations of keeping a diary/journal, and have kept them off and on (mostly off through my teen years) since I was probably 6. (When I was ages 6-10, I thought having a diary was the COOLEST thing ever!!!)

Anyways, now that the official part of the assignment is over, I am challenging myself to blog once a week. And if that doesn't work, I might push it back further to two weeks, or a month. I have too many things on my plate right now that take priority, so I refuse to beat myself up over something like blogging.

This blog post doesn't count. Ok, it does count, but I hope to post again later this week about some of the incredible things that happened to me spiritually over the weekend.

Now I must go study for a government class exam today at 11:30 that I am COMPLETELY unprepared for. (That is also an exaggeration. I am prepared, just not as prepared as I would like to, and should, be.) PRAY FOR ME!

Sunday, 10-21-12

Today's journal entry will be short, as I am falling asleep as I try to write, and it is only 10:00p.m.

The retreat ended today at 2:00 p.m. The weekend was exactly what I'd hoped it would be; the retreat introduced me to 29 other amazing people who are genuinely trying to live out their Faith, andit also gave me the spiritual renewal I so desperately needed.

I have been on many other retreats. Usually, I leave feeling an enormous "spiritual high." Today, however, was different. I left feeling true and residing peace. It was a new feeling, but a very beautiful one, and a much more genuine feeling than the "highs" usually are. Christ revealed himself to me this weekend in ways he never had before. At some points, I could almost see him sitting in Heaven, chuckling at the practical joke he had just pulled on me. This happened specifically twice. Mostly, however, I felt his love, and I knew he was there, holding me, guiding me, and granting me peace. I'm so glad that I finally decided to go, even though the decision was a difficult one. I'm also extremely grateful for all the new friends I made this week; I hope to continue in our friendships, and grow in our spirituality together.

Saturday, 10-20-12

Today was very enjoyable and uplifting. Our first activity was morning prayer and stretches at 7:30 a.m. After that we ate breakfast, and then hikes to the location of the first talk of the day. While we hiked, we played a game called camouflage, which included hiding in dead leaves, corn, and soybeans. I did enjoy it, but it will never rank as a preferred activity for me.

The talk was given by one of the group leaders, Jacob. It was all about hope in times of darkness, and it was very well done. Afterwards, we had small group discussions, silent time, and Holy Mass, followed by lunch.

When lunch was finished, we had free time until almost 5:00 p.m. At this point, we had an activity where we were all randomly paired with someone else, and had a one-on-one, personal discussion with that person. This activity was very powerful. Following this , we ate dinner, then had Eucharistic Adoration and confessions. Confession was very moving, as it always is.

The scheduled events of the day ended around 9:30. At this time we were free to do whatever we pleased. I chose to play games with a large group of people. The games were fun, but I would've preferred simply talking to someone.

Friday, 10-19-12

Today was a mixture of good and bad moments, but the good overwhelmingly conquerred. Both my government and composition classes went well.

When I returned home, I went shopping with my mother and older brother. We were searching for fabric and notions for an Indian costume. I will wear this costume next weekend when I play St. Kateri Tekakwitha. I will perform this role as part of the Candlelight Saints Tour in Loretto, PA.

We returned home from our shopping spree around 4:00 p.m. I then began packing for the weekend retreat that I am currently attending. I ate dinner with my family, quickly finished packing, then my mom drove me to UPJ, where I was meeting the other attendees.

The retreat has been wonderful so far. We began with two ice-breakers in order to get to know each other. After we finished these activities, we went on a candlelight prayer walk through the woods. This was very powerful and moving. When we had reached our destination, the prayers ceased, and the first talk commenced in a tiny ourdoor grotto.

After the talk, we had small group discussion, then night prayer, and now it is bed time so I will sign off.

Thursday, 10-18-12

Today was rather uneventful. My day began with a dentist appointment, which went much more quickly and smoothly than they usually do. I am very grateful for this, because I'm not overly fond of dentists, or doctors in general. After the appointment, I went home and watched the movie Salt with my brothers. The movie was bizarre; I don't think I followed the storyline well.

At noon, I attended the second practice for the Shakespeare production. I am very pleased with how the show is forming. It should be highly enjoyable. Practice today was very humorous, and it was nice to finally meet most of my fellow cast members. I look forward to working with them more.

When I returned home from practice, my elder brother Mike and I watched the beginning of a NCIS episode. Then I took a short power nap. When I woke up, I worked on homework, ate dinner with my family, and studied for my upcoming government exam.

At 8:30, Mike and I went to Valley Dairy for ice cream sundaes. Mike also helped me study while we were eating. After returning home, Mike and I joined our mother and younger brother for a round of Masterpiece. Now I will finish this, run a load of laundry, and dive into bed.


Favorite poem of the day: "Sonnet 19" by William Shakespeare


Devouring Time, blunt thou the lion's paws,
And make the earth devour her own sweet brood;
Pluck the keen teeth from the fierce tiger's jaws,
And burn the long-lived phoenix in her blood;
Make glad and sorry seasons as thou fleets,
And do whate'er thou wilt, swift-footed Time,
To the wide world and all her fading sweets;
But I forbid thee one most heinous crime:
O, carve not with thy hours my love's fair brow,
Nor draw no lines there with thine antique pen;
Him in thy course untainted do allow
For beauty's pattern to succeeding men.
    Yet, do thy worst, old Time: despite thy wrong,
    My love shall in my verse ever live young.

Wednesday, 10-17-12

This morning, I experienced firsthand the movie Groundhog Day. By experience, I do not mean that I watched the movie; I mean that I underwent a very similar sequence of events as the main character in that movie.

I awoke around 8:00 a.m, and realized that I needed to prepare for school. I got dressed, did my hair, etc., and then glanced at a clock as I left the house. To my horror, I found that I had lost track of time, and was running dreadfully late. I began to panic! Then I woke up.

Thank goodness, this was only a dream! So, for seemingly the second time today, I got up, got dressed, and glanced at the clock as I let my house. Yet again, I panicked, for just as in the dream, I was running very late. Then I woke up.

This whole process repeated one last time, before my phone vibrating on my desk finally roused me, this time to reality. Therefore, I had a total of three dreams, all in a row, before finally awakening and beginning my day. The whole experience was incredibly stressful, yet equally humorous.




Government class was much much more relaxed that usual, since I did not watch or listen to any part of the presidential debate last night. (I was adoring the Holy Eucharist instead.) Composition class was also quite enjoyable. At 2:45, I began my piano lesson. It went surprisingly well, as I had not practiced nearly enough this past week. My piano teacher is truly inspiring, and handles difficult students such as myself magnificently. I hope to be more diligent with practicing this week.

From 5:00 to 8:00 p.m., I attended my younger brother's eagle scout fundraiser at Five Guys Restaurant. Many friends and acquaintances came, and the event seemed to be quite a sucess.

Today, I also experienced a beautiful proof of Faith from our Lord. After dinner, my family noticed that we were missing $40. Everyone became very upset, and the atmosphere was chaotic. After searching for more than fifteen minutes, we decided the money was gone for good, and retreated to our cars; we were all in foul moods. When I entered my car, I offered a simple prayer that our Lord would find the money. I explained that I did not ask this because of the value of the money, but because I knew that some of us would remain in dreadful moods if the money was not found. Mere seconds after this prayer drifted from my thoughts, my father announced that he had found the money.

The last event of my day consisted in watching the movie, Trouble with the Curve, with my mother, brothers, and Fr. Michael Wolfe at Richland Cinemas. The movie was very enjoyable; it was a pleasant end a lovely day.

Tuesday, 10-16-12

I am thrilled to end today on a much more positive note than yesterday. I did experience struggles and disappointments today, but by the evening, none of those difficulties mattered to me any longer.

This morning I enjoyed the luxury of sleeping-in, and then I ate cinnamon pancakes with my mother and younger brother. At noon, I went to the first read-through for a production that I look forward to participating in, "A Tribute to Shakespeare." The production will be a sort of anthology, with various actors performing scenes with Shakespeare's sonnets for lines.

The show will be divided into three parts, comedy, tragedy, and romance, with an introduction for each. I will participate in three scenes. In the first scene of the comedy section, I play a minor role with no lines. Then, I will recite the introduction for the tragedy section. Finally, my largest role is the main (and only) character in one of the romantic scenes. In this scene, I will play a type of Marianne Dashwood, from Jane Austen's Sense and Sensibility. Clearly, I love all of Austen's works, so I am very excited for this particular role. I may still be given one other role; the director hasn't yet completed the final script.

This afternoon was frustrating, as I worked on homework and tried to study. Later, my brothers and I ate dinner together, while my parents went to a meeting. However, the loveliest part of the today was yet to come.

At 9:00 p.m., both of my brothers and I attended a Eucharistic Adoration Holy Hour at the UPJ campus chapel. In the beginning of the Holy Hour, I was very upset. I have been struggling  deeply with my Faith, and the last few weeks have been especially difficult. They had a different vocalist leading the praise music tonight; usually a good friend of mine, David, leads it. This girl had a good voice; her music and hymn selections, however, were not to my liking. Hence, The music did not comfort me tonight the way it usually does.

After the priest, Fr. Reese, gave a short Gospel reading and homily, I pulled out my prayer journal, and asked Christ for something, anything, to get me through this spiritual emptiness  that I have been experiencing. Then I opened my copy of I Believe in Love, by Fr. Jean D'Elbee. This book is written based on the teachings of Saint Therese of Lisieux. I began to read from where I had left it a few months ago. The words that greeted my eyes were an exact answer to the pleas I had just written to our Lord. I nearly wept. 

Adoration is so incredibly beautiful. 

Monday, 10-15-12

Technically, the blog might list this post as written on Tuesday, because the clock is nearing 1:00 a.m. as I type. However, this is Monday's blog/journal entry.

Today was difficult. I was in a dreadful mood, from about 9:00 p.m. Sunday evening, through 9:00 p.m. today (Monday). I woke up early this morning, planning to finish editing a paper for my English Composition class. I tried to finish this project Sunday evening, but I was in such a disagreeable mood that I simply could not. So, at 8:00 a.m. today I turned the computer on, ready for a fresh start. I opened Microsoft Word, and began searching for my paper. To my utter dismay, I found that in my frustration the night before, I saved the essay in some bizarre temporary file folder. This has happened to me before, and it is always a massive headache. Long story short, My elder brother eventually found the file, after more than an hour of searching.

When we finally found the file, I began editing the essay (again). I do truly enjoy writing, and I also enjoy the editing steps that perfect my pieces. I do not, however, enjoy this process when I am upset and frustrated, as I was this morning.

Although I only had two classes today, my foul mood made them both seem to drag on for hours. These classes, that I normally take great pleasure in, became very overwhelming.

When I returned home, I was hungry, overly tired from a series of late nights/early mornings this past week, and entirely impatient. I found myself snapping at every member of my family. Basically, the afternoon was not an improvement over the morning.

However, I did enjoy a few things today. First, this afternoon, my elder brother Mike practiced swing dancing with me. I love dancing, especially swing dancing, so this was exhilarating. Second, late this evening, both of my brothers and I went to Walmart and dug through the $5 movie bin. We returned home with three selections: Salt, Frequency, and Source Code. Lastly, we watched Frequency with my mother; hence the late (early) hour. The movie was very well done, but had a very creepy subplot, which is why I am peeking over my should every few seconds while I write this. Hence, I will finish, and flee to my reassuring bed.